This May will mark five years since Norah’s hospitalization for anorexia. As a family we have each grown, changed and healed—each of us have stories and memories. Norah was 11, in May of 2017, when she spent a month hospitalized with a dangerously low heart rate and was given a feeding tube for nutrition.

I asked Norah if she would let me interview her for this piece. She said yes. Here are her words…

You are right to see me as fierce and unwavering. The Kathryn you encounter is the risen phoenix, the one who emerged from the ashes, reborn and full of life. She is unshakable in her protection of her children.

I have not always been this woman. As humans we are a messy bunch. Who we become is based on countless experiences, all of which define us. Even though I appear as a fierce protector, I still have my own daily struggles and anxieties which can limit aspects of my life.

Prior to Norah’s anorexia diagnosis, pesto was her favorite food. When asked to pick dinner, she would sparkle, Pesto pasta Mom! Norah not only loved to eat it, but she also relished her role as kitchen apprentice. With painstaking detail, she would wash the basil, pinch the stems, and graciously step into her position as official pine nut taster. I left it to Norah to decide if the nuts were perfect or needed to be, Just a bit toastier.

When you have a child with an eating disorder, you don’t have the option of sitting on the sideline, you get in the game and do what you have to do to get them well. So, if you are a DAD not buying into the eating disorder treatment of your child, all I can tell you is, GET OVER IT and GET WITH THE PROGRAM!

Because the path to wellness isn’t a straight line. It zigs and zags, it is two steps forward and sometimes four back. Your goal is to have more good days than bad. That is your metric, keep your eye on that. Hard stuff is going to happen. Every. Single. Day.

When you ask eating disorder professionals what the most common parenting worry is in refeeding their child, you get some version of this statement.

“I’m scared that this process will forever damage my relationship with my child.”

If this is your worry, I will not dismiss it. However, you do need to get past it.

I believe that there are two questions that helped us lead our daughter to recovery. And the answers to those questions are what solidifies her confidence, but it also strengthens her ability to sustain her own recovery.

What are you willing to do for your child?

What does your child believe you will do for them?